"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
