well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
