just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I forgot how hot balto sounded
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
