i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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