She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
