new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Something in me snapped and now Iām just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
