well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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