Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
