I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize