what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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