I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
