sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
