5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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