you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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