mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
