Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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