apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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