she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
