people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
