I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
