bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
