wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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