I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
