with your own penis?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
