Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
