In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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