I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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