Bisexual people are plain selfish.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
