Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
