If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
