i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
