she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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