I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
