She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
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