so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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