do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
