Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
