Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
