I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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