You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You had me at "let me see your balls"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh god it's open bar.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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