what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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