My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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