My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
