She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
