Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
