My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
