When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
