i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
