I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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