I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Vodka?
Forever.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
