Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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