i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
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I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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