fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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