Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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