Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
