You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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