I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
