I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
