i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
