he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
