im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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