Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
