We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My vagina is very pro this idea
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
