Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I didn't shave. On purpose
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
