I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
