I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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