The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
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I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
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It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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